It's almost impossible to force someone to cry. Force tends to bring an equal and opposite reaction or a withdrawal - so either the bottom gets angry and determined to prove himself or he closes down emotionally and goes inside himself. He may not be fully aware of either reaction, because the other sensations are so intense, but I can sense it - almost beyond sight or sound... a kind of cooling between us.
There is an old fable of a contest between the sun and the wind. They are competing to see who can first make a man remove his coat. The wind tries force but the gale only makes the man pull his coat more tightly around him. The sun just shines and in the warmth he removes his coat of voluntarily.
I am into SM for the emotional intensity. I have no inhibitions when I play and am open and emotionally engaged. I am tough and take charge but I never bully. Rather I relieve the bottom of the need to consider his own actions. He can just 'be'. Actually I’ve had guys start to cry spontaneously just by being touched. I can usually sense it coming on and see my role to support them through it, so I don't push and certainly don’t taunt or humiliate. I increase the pain levels while I hold them close or talk softly to them. The rest is just human nature.
The most important thing is for the bottom to know that after they open right up there is someone strong enough and decent enough to take care of them AND help put the pieces together again later. I love that part and so I give a lot in the process. I get off on the intensity just as much as the bottom. We feed each other - its symbiotic rather than aggressive.
I had very few experiences as a bottom like that myself. But then I cried very easily. I guess I have sorta synthesised my own style. I bring what I know about how it felt to be a bottom together with my own experiences of pain – pain voluntarily accepted and without the association of danger or bodily harm. But I also bring other things I have learned
through training in massage
and explorations in more
sensitive forms of sex.
The whole becomes more
than the sum of the parts.
I feel truly fulfilled when I TOP. It's certainly not about building my ego at the other's expense. More like a personal private and highly individual journey we share together. To have that kind of human contact with guys who are in other ways complete strangers is liberating and profound and a very positive experience.
Vulcan
